Delegates at the Earth summit hoping for a brief respite from all the hyperbole and rhetoric by diving into a toilet cubicle would have been disappointed. As they sat down for a bit of peace, delegates would have been confronted by the humble toilet roll next to them.

The World Bank supplied 65,000 toilet rolls for the summit; each double ply sheet inscribed with a reminder of the enormity of the challenge delegates faced. Profundities such as: ‘Private moment; global issue’, ‘Hygiene is not a soft issue’ and ‘Stand up for better sanitation’ were, literally, flushed down the pan.

Given the disastrous outcome of the summit it might be a good idea for the World Bank to send each of the delegates who attended a new commemorative toilet roll.

Printed onto the recycled post consumer waste sheets could be a series of ‘sound bites’ that reflect the true achievements of this gathering.

‘Not good enough to avoid the skids’ would accurately reflect the fact that the Earth Summit achieved nothing in tackling global warming. The US – the world’s biggest polluter, responsible for one quarter of the world’s carbon dioxide emissions – along with a few other rogue nations, decided to put the skids on a target for increasing renewable energy. Post Johannesburg the earth continues to slide inexorably towards climate chaos.

‘Super soft on the privates’ would reflect the fact that the Earth Summit became the largest trade show on earth. No binding codes of conduct were imposed on multinationals. Instead we are asked to trust corporations to behave responsibly. Keen to show their new found enthusiasm for social and ecological concerns multinationals were to be witnessed tripping over each other in the rush to espouse their green credentials and offer ‘partnerships’. The lavatory graffiti for this might read: ‘grab their water, health and energy services by the [bollocks/short and curlies], coz its pukka news for our shareholders’. One of the most intriguing of these ‘partnerships’ is McDonalds and Unicef. Well stupid, it’s what the starving children of Africa need: a Big Mac and fries to make up for that failed harvest.

‘Just wipe it off!’ would indicate the failure of the summit to take any new or decisive action over debt. While southern African nations starve they are still saddled with huge unpayable debts.

Blunt, but apt, ‘Up yours!’ would pretty well describe the attitude of the rich North towards the poor South. It was agreed years ago that rich nations should give 0.7% of their GDP in aid to poor countries. At the time of the first Earth Summit 10 years ago in Rio the average provided by rich nations was 3.3%, appalling enough. But now it is an abysmal 2.4%, with the US, the world’s richest economy giving just 0.1% of its vast wealth towards development aid. So, since Rio we have moved backwards.

The final sheet of this special edition loo roll could state simply, ‘You’ve got to the end but haven’t finished the job. What are you going to do now?’

It is clear that the job of raising the poorest of the world to what might vaguely qualify as a passable standard of living or of saving the environment from imminent and rapid meltdown was nothing like completed in Johannesburg. Indeed it was hardly even begun.